And here I am, on the last day of the year, to take stock of this almost over 2018. Well, my 2018 has been a continuum of ups and downs, of moments that made me feel alive like never before and moments when the only thing I really wanted was to get away from everything and everyone and to find myself again. If I want to draw a positive picture of this year of mine, then I start by saying that my university life has gone very well, since I managed to complete all eight final exams for my bachelor’s degree; I started with this little big passion, that for blogging. I love to share with you my outfits, my style, my make-up, my travels and a little bit of my life, even if, of course, you just see a scarce 30% of it; but perhaps the best part of this year was the good fortune to visit a ton of cities: I keep in my heart millions of people’s faces, the food and the architecture of other nationalities. Travel complete your soul, wherever you do it.
I spent the major part of my year’s first half organizing my so-called “big trip”, the one that brought me and my faithful partner in adventures and life in Finland, Estonia and Russia in the month of August. It is really true that trips are lived three times: when we dream them, when we live them, and when we remember them. That’s how it was. It didn’t really seem like I was about to have such an experience, like I was about to set foot in Russia, a very captivating and so different than mine country. In addition, at the end of March, I launched my personal Instagram account, which I previously shared with my boyfriend, who published travel shots. We both took the decision to only focus on fashion, and therefore only on me. Honestly, I was a bit ‘scared by the idea of ”taking flight” on my own, I did not place much confidence in that account. But little by little that account grew and currently has more than 12,000 followers, all thanks to a great desire to believe in it. But… All that glitters is not gold, is it? I started to realize this the moment I began attending the last lessons of the first cycle of my academic career. I started to feel nostalgic for that first cycle that was about to finish, I started to be aware that the end of that chapter was about to come, I started to feel anxious because of my fear of the future. This anxiety was increased by a terrible tinnitus at that time. Some nights I could not sleep, afflicted by this damn noise in my ear and by a thousand of thoughts, including the idea of having to leave my affections to continue my studies. All began to seem difficult, even impossible sometimes to face, as if a boulder had suddenly fallen on me and I was not able to sustain it. I had even completely lost interest in what I was studying and that has always been my passion (learning English and French). But everything probably happens for a reason in life, and I could not become discouraged by my fears and anxieties, so I rolled up my sleeves and went on with my exams. At the same time, I continued to find a bit of carefreeness in planning the big trip and in a small trip that took me to Poland in May.
The period I like to call “the showdown” started from July. I decided what I wanted to do with my life after my bachelor’s degree: I will move to another city, not so far from my boyfriend and family, to continue with the master’s degree in Translation and Interpreting. It has been a decision taken quite slowly, after evaluating different options, but I always dreamed of dedicating myself to interpreting. After my summer session of exams, I spent some days of vacation at the beach, finally chilling out. But the long-awaited day had finally come after 9 long months. As soon as the plane that would take me and my love to Helsinki, the first stop of our trip, took off, I felt a weird adrenaline inside of me, that I continued to perceive during all the following 19 days of travel. It was in this context that I felt really grateful and lucky: experiencing the different that is part of our world is a very beautiful feeling. But sadly, I wasn’t completely carefree even during those days of travel. I thought about the moment I would have to go back home and make the last effort to take my last two exams and to prepare the thesis. But even in this case, rolling up my sleeves has been the solution. I wanted to do it for myself, for all I had done so far, for all my sacrifices. I really thought I deserved it. First of all, as soon as I came back from the trip, I rushed to the hairdresser and I decided to drastically cut my long hair. I thought I would have regret it, but guess what? I could not be happier! I looked at myself in the mirror, and I felt reborn in my physical appearance, I saw myself more beautiful. Well, it may seem superficial, but who knows, maybe this was what I needed to give myself a higher gear, in every sense. Starting from the month of September, here comes a huge break: this blog you are reading, also shared first with my boyfriend, becomes centered only on me, always after a long decision taken together. He helped me a lot, both from a technical point of view and not, to make it what it looks now. It was so funny spending the afternoons together in order to be able to put together all the pieces so that something nice came out, shooting pictures with the incredulous passerby who were staring at us like we were aliens, scheduling the posts in a coherent way, and I must say I am very satisfied with the result, also because I managed to collaborate with some very interesting companies that I have always liked, such as Daniel Wellington and Yoins. Meanwhile, I had the additional fortune to visit two more capitals this autumn, Prague and Bucharest, thanks to incredible flight offers. And in the end, I managed to pass my last two exams and to start writing the thesis, even if neither this last half of the year has been perfect, since I first experienced acne. I suddenly found myself with a series of red and painful pimples on my face for the first time, for no apparent reason, and this is not great for a beauty blogger. I started the treatment with cream and antibiotic, and hopefully it will be successful. I have also gained a lot of extra pounds during this year, due to increasing age or maybe due to the medicine I am taking for treating what I do not like to call depression but rather anxiety for the future.
As you will have gathered, the life of a fashion blogger is not full of sunshine and rainbows as it may appear. I’m not just the girl I show in my Instagram photos, in my stories or on my blog. I am also the girl that sometimes spends a whole day crying, I am the girl who is terrified of the future, I am the girl with tinnitus, I am the girl with acne. And I cannot say I am all the way better and healed, but I mean, who can? We are humans, there is nothing wrong with that, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all have our insecurities, our dark periods. I would probably not change a thing of this year, neither my bad moments, because they have contributed to my personal growth, also thanks to the help of the people I love. Always surround yourself with positive people who always know how to see the good in you. I’m going to graduate next February. I used to be scared to death of change, now I cannot wait to finally close this first chapter of my life and to start a new one. And for the rest… We’ll see!
Happy New Year everyone!